It has come to my attention that I had this blog set up to accept comments only from members...
This is no longer the case.
My apologies.
No more excuses for R3 :)
Sunday, April 22, 2007
On Insensitivity: Reaction to the Virginia Tech Shooting
“Real men do not read anything other than GUNS AND AMMO, SPORTS ILLUSTRATED, or SHAVED BEAVER.”
--Dennis Leary
In light of the recent shooting on the Virginia Tech campus, I am hesitant to post this out of fear of being a hypocrite. I am afraid that my displeasure with the response of our Nation to this tragedy has gotten me to fall in step with the rest of my insensitive brothers, talk show hosts, and political figures.
On a message board that I can often be found lurking, and occasionally posting, I made a simple post on the incident that took place. I said:
“My heart goes out to the families and friends of these thirty some people.
I don’t even know what to say.”
This is entirely true. What can you say? The New York Times describes the event as “the deadliest shooting rampage in American history and came nearly eight years to the day after 13 people died at Columbine High School in Colorado at the hands of two disaffected students who then killed themselves.”
Thirty-two people lost their lives.
Thirty-two families lost children, brothers, sisters, fathers, mothers, cousins, aunts, uncles...
Thirty-two families are irreversibly changed.
Thirty-two families will never be whole again.
This is how one message board responded:
“I'm not sure why a supposedly intelligent individual would resort to an action like this, but I guarantee that it will be blamed on lack of gun control.......”
“That said, I have very good control over my own gun. I don't need anyone else, particularly big brother, telling me that I can or cannot have one.”
“I have excellent gun control....I always hit what I aim at.”
Thank God for Real Men like these.
Without them to cheapen the loss of these families by yucking it up about their gun-given power, this would not be America. If this mentality ruled the nation, there would be a perfect Utopia.
Why if only everyone had guns, there would be no more violence in this Country. If only everyone had guns there would be no more poverty or hunger. There would be no more rape, no more incest, no more child abuse, no more unemployment... The only problem this many guns would be unable to solve is the epidemic of impotence that would be sure to follow in the wake of such a high power need. After all these Charlton Heston clones have to be compensating for something...
Like Stacey Keach said in his role as Ken Titus: “We dont need guns son, the men in our family have penises.”
Of course it wasn’t limited to the insensitive remarks of these Macho guys. Alan Colmes
was found discussing gun control pros and cons the following evening on his Fox radio show, as was Laura Ingram. I am sure that there was tireless banter on the subject all over The airways, but I just couldnt listen. I shouldnt be surprised. In a recent article, Charles Krauthammer said it very well: 
“What can be said about the Virginia Tech massacre? Very little. What should be said? Even less. The lives of 32 innocents, chosen randomly and without purpose, are extinguished most brutally by a deeply disturbed gunman. With an event such as this, consisting of nothing but suffering and tragedy, the only important questions are those of theodicy, of divine justice. Unfortunately, in today's supercharged political atmosphere, there is the inevitable rush to get ideological mileage out of the carnage.” For full article see http://www.realclearpolitics.com/articles/2007/04/obama_turns_tragedy_into_polit.html.
It isn’t just the right side of the political fence either as I mentioned. All of the John Waynes in this country had their moment to say stupid things: “If just one or two people had been armed this Cho would have been stopped(Not taking into consideration the fact that just as many people could have been killed in a crossfire).” But even presidential hopefulls from the left were not immune to idiocy.
Barak Obama proved his mental impairment by stating “There's also another kind of violence though that we're gonna have to think about. It's not necessarily physical violence but that the violence that we perpetrate on each other in other ways. Last week, the big news, obviously, had to do with Imus and the verbal violence that was directed at young women who were role models for all of us, role models for my daughter.”
In context, these comments make a little more sense. However context or not, the fact that Obama can compare a 60 year-old shock jock calling the Rutger’s Women’s basketball team “nappy headed hos” to thirty two individuals being slaughtered like animals is astonishing. No... Idiocy and insensitivity in America knows no bounds.
To all you gun advocates; Give it a rest when you are in a venue that is discussing lives lost to gun violence. Your John Wayne mentality is charming, in a short-sighted, selfish, hammer-for-every-job lind of way. But it isn’t welcome or warranted in places where loss weighs heavier than political rhetoric. And before you jump knee deep in my sh*t about being some pinko commie scumbag, know that I am licensed to carry concealed weapons in several states. I have carried on and off the job, and am surgical with my weapon of choice—a quality 1911. There is a time and a place for everything... and pro gun talk in a forum to process or offer condolences to shooting victims is not one of them.
To all the rest of you insensitive clods who find it necessary to preach the values of no guns in our society—give this a rest too. Those of you who don’t believe that guns have a place in our country need to remember that no amount of laws or control measures will keep an unstable person from committing a horrible act. Cho would have made pipe bombs if he had been unable to obtain firearms. For chrissake he would have brought a chainsaw to class that day if he had to. Don’t delude yourselves. If someone wants to hurt you badly enough... make no mistake, he will.
Since this is my forum for putting things out there I will tell you all what I feel is more important than the pro or con side of gun control: To remember what happened, and who it happened to.
Ross Abdallah Alameddine, 20 years old.
Christopher James Bishop, 35 year old language instructor.
Brian Roy Bluhm, 25 years old.
Ryan Christopher Clark, 22 years old.
Austin Michelle Cloyd, 18 years old.
Jocelyne Couture-Nowak, adjunct foreign languages instructor. Daniel Alejandro Perez Cueva, 21 years old.
Kevin P. Granata, 45 year old engineering science professor.
Caitlin Millar Hammaren, 19 years old.
Jeremy Michael Herbstritt, 27 years old.
Rachael Elizabeth Hill, 18 years old.
Emily Jane Hilscher, 19 years old.
Jarrett Lee Lane, 22 years old.
Matthew Joseph La Porte, 20 years old.
Henry J. Lee, also known as Henh Ly, 20 years old.
Liviu Librescu, 76 year old holocaust survivor.
G.V. Loganathan, 51 year old environmental engineering professor.
Partahi Mamora Halomoan Lumbantoruan, 34, of Indonesia.
Lauren Ashley McCain, 20 years old.
Daniel Patrick O'Neil, 22 years old.
Juan Ramon Ortiz, 26 years old.
Minal Hiralal Panchal, 26 years old.
Erin Nicole Peterson, 18 years old.
Michael Steven Pohle Jr., 23 years old.
Julia Kathleen Pryde, 23 years old.
Mary Karen Read, 19 years old.
Reema Joseph Samaha, 18 years old.
Waleed Mohammed Shaalan, 32, doctoral student from Zagazig, Egypt.
Leslie Geraldine Sherman, sophomore history major and member of the honors program.
Maxine Shelly Turner, 22 years old.
Nicole White, 20 years old.
I think that these people and their families would rather have back what was taken, than pointless and insensitive discussion about what “could have happened if only...”
To those families I can honestly say I feel your pain.
My thoughts and prayers are with you.
--Dennis Leary
In light of the recent shooting on the Virginia Tech campus, I am hesitant to post this out of fear of being a hypocrite. I am afraid that my displeasure with the response of our Nation to this tragedy has gotten me to fall in step with the rest of my insensitive brothers, talk show hosts, and political figures.
On a message board that I can often be found lurking, and occasionally posting, I made a simple post on the incident that took place. I said:
“My heart goes out to the families and friends of these thirty some people.
I don’t even know what to say.”
This is entirely true. What can you say? The New York Times describes the event as “the deadliest shooting rampage in American history and came nearly eight years to the day after 13 people died at Columbine High School in Colorado at the hands of two disaffected students who then killed themselves.”
Thirty-two people lost their lives.
Thirty-two families lost children, brothers, sisters, fathers, mothers, cousins, aunts, uncles...
Thirty-two families are irreversibly changed.
Thirty-two families will never be whole again.
This is how one message board responded:
“I'm not sure why a supposedly intelligent individual would resort to an action like this, but I guarantee that it will be blamed on lack of gun control.......”
“That said, I have very good control over my own gun. I don't need anyone else, particularly big brother, telling me that I can or cannot have one.”
“I have excellent gun control....I always hit what I aim at.”
Thank God for Real Men like these.
Without them to cheapen the loss of these families by yucking it up about their gun-given power, this would not be America. If this mentality ruled the nation, there would be a perfect Utopia.
Why if only everyone had guns, there would be no more violence in this Country. If only everyone had guns there would be no more poverty or hunger. There would be no more rape, no more incest, no more child abuse, no more unemployment... The only problem this many guns would be unable to solve is the epidemic of impotence that would be sure to follow in the wake of such a high power need. After all these Charlton Heston clones have to be compensating for something...
Like Stacey Keach said in his role as Ken Titus: “We dont need guns son, the men in our family have penises.”
Of course it wasn’t limited to the insensitive remarks of these Macho guys. Alan Colmes
was found discussing gun control pros and cons the following evening on his Fox radio show, as was Laura Ingram. I am sure that there was tireless banter on the subject all over The airways, but I just couldnt listen. I shouldnt be surprised. In a recent article, Charles Krauthammer said it very well: 
“What can be said about the Virginia Tech massacre? Very little. What should be said? Even less. The lives of 32 innocents, chosen randomly and without purpose, are extinguished most brutally by a deeply disturbed gunman. With an event such as this, consisting of nothing but suffering and tragedy, the only important questions are those of theodicy, of divine justice. Unfortunately, in today's supercharged political atmosphere, there is the inevitable rush to get ideological mileage out of the carnage.” For full article see http://www.realclearpolitics.com/articles/2007/04/obama_turns_tragedy_into_polit.html.
It isn’t just the right side of the political fence either as I mentioned. All of the John Waynes in this country had their moment to say stupid things: “If just one or two people had been armed this Cho would have been stopped(Not taking into consideration the fact that just as many people could have been killed in a crossfire).” But even presidential hopefulls from the left were not immune to idiocy.
Barak Obama proved his mental impairment by stating “There's also another kind of violence though that we're gonna have to think about. It's not necessarily physical violence but that the violence that we perpetrate on each other in other ways. Last week, the big news, obviously, had to do with Imus and the verbal violence that was directed at young women who were role models for all of us, role models for my daughter.”
In context, these comments make a little more sense. However context or not, the fact that Obama can compare a 60 year-old shock jock calling the Rutger’s Women’s basketball team “nappy headed hos” to thirty two individuals being slaughtered like animals is astonishing. No... Idiocy and insensitivity in America knows no bounds.
To all you gun advocates; Give it a rest when you are in a venue that is discussing lives lost to gun violence. Your John Wayne mentality is charming, in a short-sighted, selfish, hammer-for-every-job lind of way. But it isn’t welcome or warranted in places where loss weighs heavier than political rhetoric. And before you jump knee deep in my sh*t about being some pinko commie scumbag, know that I am licensed to carry concealed weapons in several states. I have carried on and off the job, and am surgical with my weapon of choice—a quality 1911. There is a time and a place for everything... and pro gun talk in a forum to process or offer condolences to shooting victims is not one of them.
To all the rest of you insensitive clods who find it necessary to preach the values of no guns in our society—give this a rest too. Those of you who don’t believe that guns have a place in our country need to remember that no amount of laws or control measures will keep an unstable person from committing a horrible act. Cho would have made pipe bombs if he had been unable to obtain firearms. For chrissake he would have brought a chainsaw to class that day if he had to. Don’t delude yourselves. If someone wants to hurt you badly enough... make no mistake, he will.
Since this is my forum for putting things out there I will tell you all what I feel is more important than the pro or con side of gun control: To remember what happened, and who it happened to.
Ross Abdallah Alameddine, 20 years old.
Christopher James Bishop, 35 year old language instructor.
Brian Roy Bluhm, 25 years old.
Ryan Christopher Clark, 22 years old.
Austin Michelle Cloyd, 18 years old.
Jocelyne Couture-Nowak, adjunct foreign languages instructor. Daniel Alejandro Perez Cueva, 21 years old.
Kevin P. Granata, 45 year old engineering science professor.
Caitlin Millar Hammaren, 19 years old.
Jeremy Michael Herbstritt, 27 years old.
Rachael Elizabeth Hill, 18 years old.
Emily Jane Hilscher, 19 years old.
Jarrett Lee Lane, 22 years old.
Matthew Joseph La Porte, 20 years old.
Henry J. Lee, also known as Henh Ly, 20 years old.
Liviu Librescu, 76 year old holocaust survivor.
G.V. Loganathan, 51 year old environmental engineering professor.
Partahi Mamora Halomoan Lumbantoruan, 34, of Indonesia.
Lauren Ashley McCain, 20 years old.
Daniel Patrick O'Neil, 22 years old.
Juan Ramon Ortiz, 26 years old.
Minal Hiralal Panchal, 26 years old.
Erin Nicole Peterson, 18 years old.
Michael Steven Pohle Jr., 23 years old.
Julia Kathleen Pryde, 23 years old.
Mary Karen Read, 19 years old.
Reema Joseph Samaha, 18 years old.
Waleed Mohammed Shaalan, 32, doctoral student from Zagazig, Egypt.
Leslie Geraldine Sherman, sophomore history major and member of the honors program.
Maxine Shelly Turner, 22 years old.
Nicole White, 20 years old.
I think that these people and their families would rather have back what was taken, than pointless and insensitive discussion about what “could have happened if only...”
To those families I can honestly say I feel your pain.
My thoughts and prayers are with you.
Thursday, April 12, 2007
On Grief: Being Angry with God--WARNING MAY BE OFFENSIVE TO SOME READERS
Here I promised something soon. I also mentioned that what I provided would possibly be shocking. Thus, if you are a God-fearing Christian, whose faith or belief system is easily offended, please read no further. I do not wish to offend anyone, but at the same time I am going to express my feelings. I am angry, and there is little doubt as to whom I am angry with.
Read on at your own risk.
Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
“Christians by their very nature are selfish. Let’s put it this way, would Christians follow Christ if there was nothing in it for them in the end of the day? I think not. There is a reward at the end for them. How can you live for god when you are basically living to secure YOUR own fate…”
Ihategod.net
It was Easter on the 8th of this month. Easter is the Christian celebration of Christ’s victory over death (you know, when Jesus rose from the dead on the third day after his crucifixion?). Well I have an issue to take with this.
It has now been close to a year since my Rissa passed away. I have waited much longer that the required three days. No one has sent me a letter stating that there has been a mistake. No one has come to the door stating that Marissa is waiting patiently at the security desk to be picked up. No one has called to say “She is risen!”
What a bunch of crap.
Seriously. How stupid can people be to place their trust in something as ridiculous as this mythology. If Christ had really triumphed over death, then wouldn’t everyone be free? Wouldn’t all of our loved ones be able to be with us still? What kind of sweeping victory grants the spoils only to one?
No, I think that the early followers of Christ talked too mush sh*t. Their leader was gone, and pursued by those who hated them, they needed some kind of battle call—some hero to rally around, and since the major players had all denounced, doubted, or betrayed Jesus, they figured none of them were qualified. I’m sure that John came up with the brilliant idea that if Jesus just came back from the dead, all the enemies the twelve apostles had would simply **** out. It would be easy really. No one would have to know. After all, after Jesus rose from the dead, he only appeared to his friends and disciples.
I would think that with such a grand victory, he would have been prancing around everywhere to thumb his nose at those who killed him. Even If his resurrection was more than a hoax, it was simply a matter of who he had to bl*w to get himself out of trouble.
“Holy sh*t! I’m dead! This sucks! Hey you! Big fella with the pointy tail and horns… Whats a guy gotta do to get outa here?”
Oh yeah. Im still angry. And all the people who tell me that If I would just trust my “Lord-and-Savior” and he will bring me peace can go take a long walk off a short pier. All it does is rub all my painful sh*t in my face.
My baby is dead. Where is the comfort of their beloved Christ? Even if I still believed that the mythology of Christianity was fact, where is his hollow victory over death? When are people going to get that I am a grownup and I dont care what they think or what their religious beliefs are? I have my own method for comfort--right now it is in my ability to be angry. I have every right to be angry, and last I checked it wasn't against the law. I will be angry as long as I need to be to heal.
SO TERRIBLEY SORRY THAT MY GRIEF DOES NOT MEET YOUR ACCEPTABLE TIMETABLE!
Keep this "comfort and peace of Jesus" sh*t to yourselves people. You obviously have no idea how rude and inconsiderate this really is. Furthermore, as a recovering Christian, none of this makes any difference to me in the first place. I grow tired of having the "comfort and peace" of somone elses belief system continuously rammed down my throat by those who think they mean well, but are simply reaffirming their own beliefs to themselves out of fear. Your God is no more valid or real than what I believe...
Im not worried about what is going to happen to me after I die. If I am not... why are you?
Read on at your own risk.
Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
“Christians by their very nature are selfish. Let’s put it this way, would Christians follow Christ if there was nothing in it for them in the end of the day? I think not. There is a reward at the end for them. How can you live for god when you are basically living to secure YOUR own fate…”
Ihategod.net
It was Easter on the 8th of this month. Easter is the Christian celebration of Christ’s victory over death (you know, when Jesus rose from the dead on the third day after his crucifixion?). Well I have an issue to take with this.
It has now been close to a year since my Rissa passed away. I have waited much longer that the required three days. No one has sent me a letter stating that there has been a mistake. No one has come to the door stating that Marissa is waiting patiently at the security desk to be picked up. No one has called to say “She is risen!”
What a bunch of crap.
Seriously. How stupid can people be to place their trust in something as ridiculous as this mythology. If Christ had really triumphed over death, then wouldn’t everyone be free? Wouldn’t all of our loved ones be able to be with us still? What kind of sweeping victory grants the spoils only to one?
No, I think that the early followers of Christ talked too mush sh*t. Their leader was gone, and pursued by those who hated them, they needed some kind of battle call—some hero to rally around, and since the major players had all denounced, doubted, or betrayed Jesus, they figured none of them were qualified. I’m sure that John came up with the brilliant idea that if Jesus just came back from the dead, all the enemies the twelve apostles had would simply **** out. It would be easy really. No one would have to know. After all, after Jesus rose from the dead, he only appeared to his friends and disciples.
I would think that with such a grand victory, he would have been prancing around everywhere to thumb his nose at those who killed him. Even If his resurrection was more than a hoax, it was simply a matter of who he had to bl*w to get himself out of trouble.
“Holy sh*t! I’m dead! This sucks! Hey you! Big fella with the pointy tail and horns… Whats a guy gotta do to get outa here?”
Oh yeah. Im still angry. And all the people who tell me that If I would just trust my “Lord-and-Savior” and he will bring me peace can go take a long walk off a short pier. All it does is rub all my painful sh*t in my face.
My baby is dead. Where is the comfort of their beloved Christ? Even if I still believed that the mythology of Christianity was fact, where is his hollow victory over death? When are people going to get that I am a grownup and I dont care what they think or what their religious beliefs are? I have my own method for comfort--right now it is in my ability to be angry. I have every right to be angry, and last I checked it wasn't against the law. I will be angry as long as I need to be to heal.
SO TERRIBLEY SORRY THAT MY GRIEF DOES NOT MEET YOUR ACCEPTABLE TIMETABLE!
Keep this "comfort and peace of Jesus" sh*t to yourselves people. You obviously have no idea how rude and inconsiderate this really is. Furthermore, as a recovering Christian, none of this makes any difference to me in the first place. I grow tired of having the "comfort and peace" of somone elses belief system continuously rammed down my throat by those who think they mean well, but are simply reaffirming their own beliefs to themselves out of fear. Your God is no more valid or real than what I believe...
Im not worried about what is going to happen to me after I die. If I am not... why are you?
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
On Absence Making the Heart Grow Fonder...
Sorry folks.
My Mac is in the shop presently and I dont feel right somehow posting from my nice government job.
Be back in a week with something a little shocking perhaps.
It wasnt a very good Easter.
Shanti.
My Mac is in the shop presently and I dont feel right somehow posting from my nice government job.
Be back in a week with something a little shocking perhaps.
It wasnt a very good Easter.
Shanti.
Sunday, March 25, 2007
On Grief: Guilt
“You can’t keep blaming yourself. Just blame yourself once and move on.”
Homer Simpson
When Marissa died, I was on the phone. Well, I was more accurately asleep. She had been up late in the hospital, and I had sat in a chair next to her bed, watching television, and drawing pictures, and talking with her. As the night turned into morning, I watched her yawn, and after following suit, I climbed into the little bed next to her. I carefully tucked her head in the pocket of my shoulder and gently moved her arms so that I wouldn’t disturb her IV. Finally, I pulled the safety rail up so that I wouldn’t roll off the bed, and we went to sleep.
The first thing I remember hearing was the monitor for her pulse oximeter unit. It was an alarm that I was unfamiliar with, but in this day and age the sounds monitors make change from one trip to the ER to the next. There were no nurses in my room, no one was tending to the IV unit, and after seven years of these experiences I had become numb to such disturbances, which in the past, had never amounted to much more than an annoyance.
When the phone rang, it took me a few seconds to acclimate. I put the railing down, rolled out and stumbled around the bed. I picked up the phone—it was my mother-in-law calling to see how ‘Rissa had fared through the night.
“Fine,” I told her. “She was up until about five or so, but then she fell asleep. She’s sleeping soundly now. Its good to see her sleeping so well now after being so restless last night.”
I hung up the phone. The alarm was still going off. If I was going to be awake, that part was going to have to be dealt with. Usually I knew which buttons to push on an IV to take care of business. Perhaps a lead had fallen off somewhere, or her probe wasn’t attached to her little toe anymore. I checked all the lines and wires and found them to be securely in place at their various locations. This puzzled me. That was when I looked at the monitor screen.
The sensation was like swallowing an ice cube—cold and hard. When it hit my stomach it turned to a hot fiery coal, and spread through my belly. The monitor was flat lined. I checked for pulse (I had been through first responder training while working in private security and executive protection, and regularly trained in first aid at the hospital and youth facility) immediately and had that heat spread even further when I touched her skin. It was cold. She was cold and had no pulse. My training left me.
I flew out into the hall. I remember I wanted to yell but all I could manage was a croak. “Help me,” I said. “Help me, my baby’s dead.”
The nurses rushed in and took over. Later, I would look back on that morning in a phone conversation with Marissa’s pediatric neurologist, Dr. Michael Nigro. I told him about my training. I totally knew that within four minutes of an episode, brain death occurs. “I could have done something,” I said, “monitors are always a few seconds behind. How long must I have been on the phone? I could have done rescue breathing, I could have done compressions… but I didn’t. I just didn’t. I talked on the phone like it was going to be just an ordinary day.”
“Don’t do that,” Nigro told me. “Look, you could have done all of that, and you might have resuscitated her, but you would have a child that would only be a shadow of your daughter. She would have been a vegetable if you were able to do anything at all…”
In truth I didn’t need to hear this, I already knew. I had put down any thoughts that I could have altered this outcome in any way, shape or form. Marissa’s departure from this life wasn’t my decision to make. The sooner I was able to lay the guilt aside; the better off I was going to be. We aren’t going to heal as long as we keep on tearing the scab off of the wound.
It is perfectly natural to blame yourself for something. In my case, it was “If only I hadn’t talked so long on the phone I might have caught this early enough to save her.” For my wife it was something else entirely. For another person, maybe if they had just taken the keys from that friend, or not let them get on that airline, or if they just apologized for that argument the night before… Go ahead and blame yourself. Like I said, it’s perfectly natural.
But you can’t keep blaming yourself forever and expect to heal. That’s like a Ferrari stuck in the mud –All that horsepower and you’re just spinning your wheels.
Homer Simpson
When Marissa died, I was on the phone. Well, I was more accurately asleep. She had been up late in the hospital, and I had sat in a chair next to her bed, watching television, and drawing pictures, and talking with her. As the night turned into morning, I watched her yawn, and after following suit, I climbed into the little bed next to her. I carefully tucked her head in the pocket of my shoulder and gently moved her arms so that I wouldn’t disturb her IV. Finally, I pulled the safety rail up so that I wouldn’t roll off the bed, and we went to sleep.
The first thing I remember hearing was the monitor for her pulse oximeter unit. It was an alarm that I was unfamiliar with, but in this day and age the sounds monitors make change from one trip to the ER to the next. There were no nurses in my room, no one was tending to the IV unit, and after seven years of these experiences I had become numb to such disturbances, which in the past, had never amounted to much more than an annoyance.
When the phone rang, it took me a few seconds to acclimate. I put the railing down, rolled out and stumbled around the bed. I picked up the phone—it was my mother-in-law calling to see how ‘Rissa had fared through the night.
“Fine,” I told her. “She was up until about five or so, but then she fell asleep. She’s sleeping soundly now. Its good to see her sleeping so well now after being so restless last night.”
I hung up the phone. The alarm was still going off. If I was going to be awake, that part was going to have to be dealt with. Usually I knew which buttons to push on an IV to take care of business. Perhaps a lead had fallen off somewhere, or her probe wasn’t attached to her little toe anymore. I checked all the lines and wires and found them to be securely in place at their various locations. This puzzled me. That was when I looked at the monitor screen.
The sensation was like swallowing an ice cube—cold and hard. When it hit my stomach it turned to a hot fiery coal, and spread through my belly. The monitor was flat lined. I checked for pulse (I had been through first responder training while working in private security and executive protection, and regularly trained in first aid at the hospital and youth facility) immediately and had that heat spread even further when I touched her skin. It was cold. She was cold and had no pulse. My training left me.
I flew out into the hall. I remember I wanted to yell but all I could manage was a croak. “Help me,” I said. “Help me, my baby’s dead.”
The nurses rushed in and took over. Later, I would look back on that morning in a phone conversation with Marissa’s pediatric neurologist, Dr. Michael Nigro. I told him about my training. I totally knew that within four minutes of an episode, brain death occurs. “I could have done something,” I said, “monitors are always a few seconds behind. How long must I have been on the phone? I could have done rescue breathing, I could have done compressions… but I didn’t. I just didn’t. I talked on the phone like it was going to be just an ordinary day.”
“Don’t do that,” Nigro told me. “Look, you could have done all of that, and you might have resuscitated her, but you would have a child that would only be a shadow of your daughter. She would have been a vegetable if you were able to do anything at all…”
In truth I didn’t need to hear this, I already knew. I had put down any thoughts that I could have altered this outcome in any way, shape or form. Marissa’s departure from this life wasn’t my decision to make. The sooner I was able to lay the guilt aside; the better off I was going to be. We aren’t going to heal as long as we keep on tearing the scab off of the wound.
It is perfectly natural to blame yourself for something. In my case, it was “If only I hadn’t talked so long on the phone I might have caught this early enough to save her.” For my wife it was something else entirely. For another person, maybe if they had just taken the keys from that friend, or not let them get on that airline, or if they just apologized for that argument the night before… Go ahead and blame yourself. Like I said, it’s perfectly natural.
But you can’t keep blaming yourself forever and expect to heal. That’s like a Ferrari stuck in the mud –All that horsepower and you’re just spinning your wheels.
Saturday, March 24, 2007
On Ego, the Martial Arts, and Glasser's Theory
Today my five-year-old son and I went to a karate tournament.
It was a tournament that I had competed in years ago, and when I heard that it was going on this weekend, I thought it would be a good opportunity for bonding with my boy. I got a chance to see some old acquaintances, and made a few new friends with the Chinese Martial Arts competitors. There were a lot of things that were the same, and a few that were different. Overall, it felt good, and it motivated me to begin some tournament training after I am done with my 25k in May.
I noticed something.
The tournament director held no title. His name was “Tom,” to those who knew him, or “Mr. Fabiano,” to the rest. This is not just some average Joe who was putting this on. He has been doing this for years. He has turned out some fabulous students—including such celebrities as Taylor Lautner of the motion picture Shark Boy and Lava Girl. Mr. Fabiano’s tournament had first second and third place trophies. Oh and participation medals for all the kids. A class act chock full of good competitors from contemporary Wushu to modern Arnis to traditional Korean and Okinawan Karateka. Kudos, Mr. Fabiano on a dignified and well run event.
See what I have noticed?
There was not a soul that introduced themselves to me or my son as “Dr.” “Professor,” “Master,” or “Grandmaster.”
I am continuously amazed by the number of “master’s” “grandmasters” and “grand-pooh-bah elite,” I find out there at some of these larger events. As a Traditional Chinese martial arts stylist, I tend to hold my standards to those of my teacher—or at least how he explained them to me:
You know you are a master when others begin to address you as such.
Li is certainly a man who has taught students to be masters themselves, yet he still humbly goes by the title Shifu or “Teacher father.”
I find this admirable in the day and age when a black belt is more often bought than earned.
There are numerous organization out there that will “recognize” your “rank,” or award you rank. If you belong to one such organization another will consider you “illegitimate”. This holds true especially in the Korean Karate organizations where politics seems to have superceded the love of the art.
Some self-proclaimed masters manage to go from a 4th degree black belt to a 6th or 7th, without hitting 5th or 6th. They think that no one will notice, but the scrupulous eye of their peers, is ever watching. Martial Artists that seem to have nothing better to do than to looking for some scrap to use in the defamation of the character of one of their own.
Then, we have the breed who doctor certifications or simply make up their own system and award themselves master of the universe.
William Glasser’s psychology describes the five basic needs of the human condition as:
1. Survival
2. Love and Belonging
3. Fun
4. Freedom
5. Power and Recognition
While in Glasser’s theory, none of these needs are negative attributes, I have to wonder what it is about these particular martial artists that drives such a high Recognition need? I mean when it comes to developing events, circumstances, organizations, or the like to draw attention to yourself, your rank, or whatever… When you are continuously searching for some award, certificate, or trophy of such attributes as leadership, or service? Isn’t true leadership to lead by example and not acquisition? Isn’t service supposed to be altruistic?
Jesus people. Puh-LEEZ. Get over yourselves.
I like to compete. Its guys like this out to make a name or a buck that are ruining it for me. I like to perform in front of others… I am not ashamed to admit that I have a high recognition need myself. But I also don’t claim to be anything special. I’m just a guy who likes to kung fu. I’m never going to be a Shifu. I’m never going to run an organization. Hell, I will likely never get a second-degree black belt. I would much rather spend my time on what I already know than trying to convince someone else that I know more.
This situation is really were the Martial Arts have taken another path far from the spiritual foundations that spawned them.
There is one name that I am dying to say… One shining example of how a guy (no matter how hard he has worked to earn them) has let his titles go to his head. But I wont.
I wont even hint at it save to say he is in my current home state of Michigan. I wont because then I would be one of those guys who is out to slander someone else.
So I will see what happens here. Consider this me getting my fun need met.
Shanti.
It was a tournament that I had competed in years ago, and when I heard that it was going on this weekend, I thought it would be a good opportunity for bonding with my boy. I got a chance to see some old acquaintances, and made a few new friends with the Chinese Martial Arts competitors. There were a lot of things that were the same, and a few that were different. Overall, it felt good, and it motivated me to begin some tournament training after I am done with my 25k in May.
I noticed something.
The tournament director held no title. His name was “Tom,” to those who knew him, or “Mr. Fabiano,” to the rest. This is not just some average Joe who was putting this on. He has been doing this for years. He has turned out some fabulous students—including such celebrities as Taylor Lautner of the motion picture Shark Boy and Lava Girl. Mr. Fabiano’s tournament had first second and third place trophies. Oh and participation medals for all the kids. A class act chock full of good competitors from contemporary Wushu to modern Arnis to traditional Korean and Okinawan Karateka. Kudos, Mr. Fabiano on a dignified and well run event.
See what I have noticed?
There was not a soul that introduced themselves to me or my son as “Dr.” “Professor,” “Master,” or “Grandmaster.”
I am continuously amazed by the number of “master’s” “grandmasters” and “grand-pooh-bah elite,” I find out there at some of these larger events. As a Traditional Chinese martial arts stylist, I tend to hold my standards to those of my teacher—or at least how he explained them to me:
You know you are a master when others begin to address you as such.
Li is certainly a man who has taught students to be masters themselves, yet he still humbly goes by the title Shifu or “Teacher father.”
I find this admirable in the day and age when a black belt is more often bought than earned.
There are numerous organization out there that will “recognize” your “rank,” or award you rank. If you belong to one such organization another will consider you “illegitimate”. This holds true especially in the Korean Karate organizations where politics seems to have superceded the love of the art.
Some self-proclaimed masters manage to go from a 4th degree black belt to a 6th or 7th, without hitting 5th or 6th. They think that no one will notice, but the scrupulous eye of their peers, is ever watching. Martial Artists that seem to have nothing better to do than to looking for some scrap to use in the defamation of the character of one of their own.
Then, we have the breed who doctor certifications or simply make up their own system and award themselves master of the universe.
William Glasser’s psychology describes the five basic needs of the human condition as:
1. Survival
2. Love and Belonging
3. Fun
4. Freedom
5. Power and Recognition
While in Glasser’s theory, none of these needs are negative attributes, I have to wonder what it is about these particular martial artists that drives such a high Recognition need? I mean when it comes to developing events, circumstances, organizations, or the like to draw attention to yourself, your rank, or whatever… When you are continuously searching for some award, certificate, or trophy of such attributes as leadership, or service? Isn’t true leadership to lead by example and not acquisition? Isn’t service supposed to be altruistic?
Jesus people. Puh-LEEZ. Get over yourselves.
I like to compete. Its guys like this out to make a name or a buck that are ruining it for me. I like to perform in front of others… I am not ashamed to admit that I have a high recognition need myself. But I also don’t claim to be anything special. I’m just a guy who likes to kung fu. I’m never going to be a Shifu. I’m never going to run an organization. Hell, I will likely never get a second-degree black belt. I would much rather spend my time on what I already know than trying to convince someone else that I know more.
This situation is really were the Martial Arts have taken another path far from the spiritual foundations that spawned them.
There is one name that I am dying to say… One shining example of how a guy (no matter how hard he has worked to earn them) has let his titles go to his head. But I wont.
I wont even hint at it save to say he is in my current home state of Michigan. I wont because then I would be one of those guys who is out to slander someone else.
So I will see what happens here. Consider this me getting my fun need met.
Shanti.
Monday, March 12, 2007
On Things to Consider...
In 1793 the "Bard of Scotland," Mr. Robert Burns wrote this little piece that seems appropriate for this day and age. I find it somewhat comforting to see that even in the eighteenth century, we had the hypocrisy of war noticed by the literati of the time.
Robert Burns in my humble opinion, is one of the greatest poets of all time. He gets far too little attention outside of his native Scotland. If it wasn't for the fact that you have to read much of his work with a "Fat Bastard" type of accent, in order to get it, I think he would be much more recognized for the talent that he really was.
Without going much into the religious or political at this time, I will simply state what the great Robert Burns said so well in his poem "Thanksgiving for a National Victory."
Ye hypocrites! are these your pranks?
To murder men and give God thanks!
Desist, for shame!-proceed no further;
God won't accept your thanks for Murther!
Nuff Said
Robert Burns in my humble opinion, is one of the greatest poets of all time. He gets far too little attention outside of his native Scotland. If it wasn't for the fact that you have to read much of his work with a "Fat Bastard" type of accent, in order to get it, I think he would be much more recognized for the talent that he really was.
Without going much into the religious or political at this time, I will simply state what the great Robert Burns said so well in his poem "Thanksgiving for a National Victory."
Ye hypocrites! are these your pranks?
To murder men and give God thanks!
Desist, for shame!-proceed no further;
God won't accept your thanks for Murther!
Nuff Said
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