"It is not only for what we do that we are held responsible, but also for what we do not do."
--John Baptiste Moliére
My wife recently described an online conversation she came across on one of her message boards. As I have a bit of experience working with children and adolescents who have been exposed to pornography and sexual abuse, I thought I would share my opinion on what she told me. Bear in mind that I have not read these posts myself.
An eleven-year-old boy’s curiosity into the opposite sex, and relationships between men and women is completely natural. While most pre-teens are just beginning to really come into a sense of who and what they will become, it is important for parents to be present to answer any and all questions that their children may have—while at the same time being responsible enough to keep them from situations that can cause them lasting harm.
When I heard that there were questions about what to do with (what I assume to be hardcore pornographic) printouts found in the possession of an eleven-year-old boy, who apparently gained access to the material through unsupervised time on the Internet, I became quite concerned. When I was told one solution would be to purchase a subscription to Penthouse magazine, I cringed. Not the approach I would take, and here is why:
I am not opposed to pornography. As the father of six, I am not willing to subject my kids to these materials, however I am also not willing to tell other people what is or is not freedom of expression.
To start, there is a tremendous difference between sexuality, and pornography. Healthy relationships between consenting adults and hardcore sexual acts are worlds apart, and I felt compelled to share some of my professional experiences with children who were exposed to hardcore pornography before their teens.
One young person became interested in the collection of pornographic magazines they found aat a young age. Their fascination with the acts that he saw men and women performing on those pages peaked their curiosity—to the point where they asked the only other person they trusted to experiment with them. When asked why they engaged in a sexual relationship with a sibling, they stated that they simply wanted to experience the things that they had seen. They had been told these were the acts two people engaged in when they loved each other, and they loved each other.
Another young girl was exposed to pornographic material even earlier--before the age of seven She was caught trying to convince her younger siblings to “lick her.” Again, simply due to the fact that she was curious about what it was that she had seen.
In both cases it was not an intention of harm that was the issue, but rather the inability to differentiate between healthy adult relationships between loving partners, and the perceived “normal” interactions between members of the opposite sex. With no way to discern the difference between a sibling relationship and a husband/wife relationship, all many children see is interaction between a male and a female. It is both a little scary and very exciting. Once engaged in such behavior, they then realize that it feels good as well, and may not even consider what they are doing to be wrong.
But acting out in sexually inappropriate ways may not be the only issue. According to the Internet source Treatment Online: Anxiety, Addiction and Depression; “Pornography can be a very harmful thing for children to see, especially at younger ages. Images of nudity and sexual activity can create distorted expectations about body images, romance and intimacy. These negative stereotypes and expectations, especially when encountered during a teen's formative years, can feed into attitudes and behaviors of an unhealthy nature.”
I have seen many examples of what exposure to hardcore pornography has done to children who were too young to fully understand what they were seeing. While hardcore pornography is not always to take on the blame for the results entirely, it has been in more than just a hand full. There is a reason things are labeled for “Mature Audiences” and kept behind counters.
It is important to talk to your children about sex. It is nothing to be ashamed of, nor is it bad when within the boundaries of a consensual, adult relationship. Eleven year-olds do not necessarily have the cognitive capabilities to understand what they see. It is your responsibility to help them through such a time, but exposing them to hardcore pornography is not only an inappropriate way to deal with it, it is also illegal. Most magazines require the purchaser to be eighteen years of age; unfortunately the Internet is not as scrupulous as your local newsstand. It is dangerous to allow unsupervised Internet time for children—regardless of how much you trust your child. They may be too embarrassed to ask questions and seek answers out on their own, answers they may not be prepared to deal with mentally, or emotionally. And dealing with the repercussions of such exposure through CPS or other government agencies is not something I would want to experience.
“Like it or not, porn is a part of the modern, web-based, world. Just as parents warn their children to not talk to strangers or to look both ways before crossing the street, it has become all the more important to teach safe and healthy Internet usage strategies to children.”
Sex is not dirty, or wrong, or shameful, or disgusting. It is natural. We live in a sexually repressive society. I am all about healthy sexual experience and the freedom of speech and expression. I just encourage parents and care providers to act responsibly when it comes to children. It can be argued that pornography can be an enjoyable part of an adult relationship, but I don’t think that applies to eleven year-olds. I could be wrong. But don’t just buy the subscription without the conversation that goes with it, and remember that he is an adolescent boy—he will talk about it with his friends, and he will show it to them. Do you want to be the parent responsible for exposing other people’s children? Are you prepared for the consequences of that?
Lots to think about. I encourage parents to think things through thoroughly before acting.
No comments:
Post a Comment